40 Rules I’m Living By in My 40s
Welp… I’m 40. And to be honest? It feels different—in the best way. There’s a calm that’s settled in, a confidence that didn’t come from a job title or a polished resume, but from doing the inner work, the hard work, and the healing work.
This milestone has me reflecting on what I’m no longer carrying, what I’m no longer apologizing for, and what I’m no longer available for (spoiler: it’s a long list). These 40 rules aren’t about perfection—they’re about permission. Permission to be softer and stronger, wiser and less willing to explain myself. Permission to live, lead, and love from a place of alignment—not exhaustion.
So whether you're 40, on your way there, or just feeling ready for your own shift, I hope these truths meet you where you are.
The Rules
If it costs me peace, it's too expensive.
I don't chase—people, jobs, or vibes.
Being nice and being kind are not the same. I choose kind.
Rest is productive.
I’m allowed to want more and be grateful at the same time.
No is a complete sentence (and no, I don’t owe you a smile with it).
If it’s not a “hell yes,” it’s a “nope.”
I don’t argue with people committed to misunderstanding me.
Stretching is a spiritual practice.
I don’t explain boundaries—I set them.
I am not for everyone. That’s a strength, not a flaw.
Grown women don’t shrink.
No job is worth my health—mental, emotional, or physical.
My joy is non-negotiable.
Busy is not a badge of honor.
Therapy is self-leadership.
I can leave the room, the role, or the relationship.
Being liked isn’t the goal—being aligned is.
You’re allowed to outgrow things you once prayed for.
Inbox zero will not change my life.
I don’t take feedback from people who wouldn’t trade places with me.
Your emergency is not my priority.
If I need to convince them, it’s already a no.
I am not a machine. I’m a woman.
Softness is power.
Rest doesn’t have to be earned.
Clarity lives on the other side of quiet.
I release myself from the myth of being “behind.”
I don’t attend every argument I’m invited to.
God is not asking me to run myself into the ground to be “used.”
My worth doesn’t increase with my productivity.
Sometimes I’m the lesson. Sometimes I’m the blessing.
I don't skip meals, water, or joy.
When I say “I don’t have time,” I really mean “It’s not a priority.”
I’m not here to prove. I’m here to live.
I embrace unlearning as much as I do learning.
Guilt and growth don’t coexist.
I don’t do performative anything.
If I wouldn’t want their life, I’m not taking their advice.
Turning 40 isn’t the end. It’s the permission slip I didn’t know I needed.
Whether you’re 40, almost there, or already on the other side, I hope these rules give you permission to live, lead, and work with more clarity and less compromise.
And if you're craving support as you reimagine your next chapter—with purpose, boundaries, and actual joy—I’d love to help. Coaching isn’t about telling you what to do. It’s about helping you remember who you are.